Our Little Piece of Paradise

A Little Update

2012-02-08T23:35:00.000-05:00

So, I'm still here... Been busy the last few weeks. William left for Montgomery in January and is due back very soon (thank you Lord!) I am so very over these long stretches apart. I am praying for the Lord to provide a more family friendly job one day in the future, despite a bad economy, we cannot keep the status quo of never seeing each other. I am ever thankful for the steady income and I know of so many in financial straits right now; but I cannot help but wish for something better. I am always reminded that there is something much better to come... that's what I cling to right now.
On that note, my dear sweet great grandmother, affectionately known as Kakky passed away nearly two weeks ago. She was 98 years old (would have been 99) in March, and lived a rich, love-filled life. She brought about three more generations in her lifetime and enjoyed watching all of us learn and grow. I am so glad to know she was a believer and had come to know Jesus more deeply in her last few years. She is now with many of her family members, including her husband and her great great grandson Henry. I wonder if he was there to meet her and if she is holding him for me? Heaven is such a marvelous mystery, isn't it?
The kids and I had the opportunity to fly to Mississippi for the funeral. The last funeral we attended was Henry's, so it brought back many emotions. Burials are such a strange and unnatural thing; anyone who tries to make a celebration out of it is in denial. I once went to a funeral where they wanted it to be a celebration. I remember standing there thinking I was odd for being sad. Yes, when someone is a believer we rejoice they are with God, but it is also a time to grieve our loss and the unnatural, ugly sting of death. It makes me love Jesus all the more for suffering it with us. What a personal God we serve.
But of course, as they say in Steel Magnolias 'life goes on'. We came home Wednesday night and Thursday morning I had an OB appointment. There it was, coming in clear over the doppler, the bump bump bump of my 13 week old baby's heart. Strong and in the 140's, perfectly normal they said. What a relief.
"Life goes on"... one life departs this earth and another is forming.

On a side note, my ultrasound and testing is scheduled for Feb 17. Please be in prayer all is well and our baby is healthy and strong. Thank you!

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37-39

Coming August 2012

2012-01-05T17:03:00.000-05:00

BABY!!!!

To all of you who have showered us with your prayers the last two years, I am asking you to once again pray for us and this precious little peanut. The heartbeat was strong and every thing is looking good for now. I am due August 8th, but it will be a little sooner with a scheduled c-section. In February, we will be sent to Ft. Worth for a detailed ultrasound and a chromosome screening. I am a little anxious because we never had genetic counseling after Henry was born. I have been reassured by many doctors that I shouldn't worry, but I am only human! Pray for peace and for God to calm our fears. I fell in love as soon as he/she popped up on the screen! :-) I can't wait to begin to feel those little flutters in a few weeks! Thanks everyone and I will keep you posted!

Christmas and San Antonio

2012-01-03T14:12:00.001-05:00

Here are some photos from Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and our New Years trip to San Antonio. We had so much fun, we all came home sick :-( It was a great Christmas break. Enjoy and Happy New Year!

Also, the blog music has changed since it's no longer Christmas. I'm feeling a little playful in this New Year so I've included some of my Dad's faves on this playlist. Here's to a great 2012!

One BIG Post: Liam's Birthday and Christmas Fun

2011-12-22T14:49:00.002-05:00

The last few weeks have been busy, but in a good way. Maisie was in the Nutcracker for the first time ever! William and I attended two Christmas parties and hosted one in our home, we got to see Behold the Lamb for a second year in a row (wonderful), and Liam had his 4th Birthday!

Maisie was a mouse in the Nutcracker and I couldn't have been more thrilled. I was so excited that she got to do something that I wish I had done when I had the opportunity so many years ago. She was the cutest little mouse EVER. I wasn't allowed to take photos of the performance, but I took this during intermission when she got to come sit with us.

Maisie was also in a school Christmas pageant. Here she is posing afterward for her proud mama.

I was actually sick on Liam's real birthday, but we made it up to him this past Saturday by taking him to Rainforest cafe and Legoland in Grapevine. We had a blast as a family spending the weekend in Dallas.

Sunday morning we went to one of our favorite churches, Park Cities Presbyterian. The service was amazing, with beautiful Christmas music and a great Christmas message about how Jesus came to serve. Maisie and Liam were very excited (and very cute) dressed in their Christmas finest :-)

We are really excited about Christmas around here. This time of year is a culmination for me after a rather depressing Fall. This season brings new hope and a renewed sense of peace. At night we've been reading "Behold the Lamb: An Advent Narrative" by Russ Ramsey and I highly recommend it for your family for any time of the year. In the stories from the Old Testament we see the Fall of Man, the waywardness of God's people, and a weariness from sin. Just as Creation is letting out a long, load groan... God hears them and He answers. A baby, fully God and yet fully Man come for the sole purpose of dying in our stead. I can't get over hearing that; I need that Gospel every day of my life!

I leave you with these words from a new favorite Christmas hymn, "Nations That Long in Darkness Walked":

Nations that long in darkness walked
Have now beheld a glorious light;
On them who dwelt in shades of death
The light hath shinèd heav’nly bright.

For lo! the virgin’s Child is born;
To us the Son of God is giv’n.
Upon His shoulders shall be laid
The government of earth and Heav’n.

His Name is callèd Wonderful,
The Counselor, the mighty God,
Eternal Father, Prince of Peace,
Peace dearly purchased with His blood.

His government shall know no bounds,
But far and wide o’er all extend;
And happy peace, the glorious fruits
Of His just reign, shall know no end.

O’er David’s kingdom, on His throne
To rule, and ’stablish it secure
With judgment clear, and justice right;
His reign forever shall endure.

Hallelujah and Merry Christmas!

P.S. Have you noticed it's snowing on my blog? I love it!

Happy Birthday, Liam!

2011-12-15T18:36:00.000-05:00

Happy 4th Birthday (yesterday) to my precious Liam. You are a sweet, wonderful gift and we cherish you. We plan on celebrating officially this weekend with a trip to Legoland in Grapevine. Pictures to follow!

Thanksgiving Fun

2011-11-28T20:26:00.000-05:00

We had a blast in Mississippi with my family for Thanksgiving. Here are some highlights:

Two Turkeys

Sisters

All girl picture. We had fun with this one!

Sleepy Liam with his cousin Kendall

Maisie and Anna Kathryn making some crafts

Uncle Stuart and William playing some good ole RUF hymns

A mother/daughters photo gone awry with uncontrolable giggles... oh well, we tried!

Maisie and Liam playing some piano for our listening pleasure!

I loved every minute with the family. Can't wait to do it again next year! Now on to Christmas... enjoy the new blog music!

House Tour Part 1

2011-11-16T14:28:00.000-05:00

This post is for my cousin, Megan. These are photos of what we have done in the kitchen, Maisie's room and the kids bathroom. In the kitchen we changed out counter tops, cabinet hardware, lighting, paint, and window treatments.

In Maisie's room I painted the walls from an off white to a ballet slipper pink. She now has our guest bed so I bought new bedding and curtains. She still needs a nightstand and desk chair (more on that later). I also bought some custom artwork for her, including a chinoiserie print by Harrison Howard.

In the bathroom, it still had the original aqua blue tile, which I love. We changed the window treatments, shower curtain, mirror, and hardware. The biggest change was adding this fish wallpaper which is fun and whimsical. This bathroom gets a lot of compliments!

That's it for now. More to come later :-)

Happy Birthday

2011-11-08T09:12:00.002-05:00

Happy Birthday Henry. Mommy cannot wait for all of us to be joined together again in Paradise. How I long to spend your birthday with you, Jesus and the angels. Love you!

"We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.... And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:22-28

Halloween 2011

2011-11-07T08:54:00.001-05:00

For all you grandparents of ours who love cute pictures of the kids, here you go!

Our little fairy

The handsome Knight

This weekend they played what else? Candy Land! .... and of course ate some candy while playing with Daddy :-)

Halloween was a lot of fun. Looking forward to Thanksgiving and seeing our family. Even though this time of year can be bitter, it is also very sweet.

Reflection

2011-11-06T16:56:00.006-05:00

The above photo was taken in August 2009, just three days after finding out Henry had Trisomy 13

As Henry's second birthday quickly approaches, I have tried to make time to think on what I have learned from such a life altering experience. One of the most important things I have learned is that our lives are not our own. As sinful human beings we so foolishly think that we somehow have control over our lives; we make plans for our future and think that if we follow those plans that everything will fall into place. It takes losing a job, or a house, or life savings, and sometimes losing a person to force us to realize how trivial our feeble plans really are. This is not to say that making a plan for the future is a bad thing, but when we assume that we have the controls, that is. I am speaking of myself here, but I also see this in people I know personally who think that they can do life on their own without direction from God. How arrogant to think that we have control over our lives? That we don't need God and we can do this on our own! God knows the real workings of our heart, we cannot hide it from Him. I would love to see these people I know and love have a real Come to Jesus moment; meaning that they realize that they cannot go through life without relying solely on Jesus and nothing else.

My absolute favorite hymn (and I have many) is I Boast No More by Issac Watts. I leave you with these amazing lyrics by someone who obviously grasped what it means to humble himself and rely solely on Jesus Christ. How I wish I could live out these words every single day of my life.

I Boast No More

1. No more, my God, I boast no more
Of all the duties I have done;
I quit the hopes I held before,
To trust the merits of Thy Son

Chorus: No more my God,
No more my God,
No more my God,
I boast no more.

2. Now, for the loss I bear His name,
What was my gain I count my loss;
My former pride I call my shame,
And nail my glory to His cross.
(Repeat chorus)

Bridge: Yes, and I must and will esteem
All things but loss for Jesus’ sake;
O may my soul be found in Him,
And of His righteousness partake!

3. The best obedience of my hands
Dares not appear before Thy throne;
But faith can answer Thy demands,
By pleading what my Lord has done.
(Repeat chorus twice)

* On a side note, I read a few short articles on Watts and found out his father was a dissenter of the Church of England which made life very difficult for his family and especially Watts, who took up his father's religious convictions as his own. Issac Watts was also plagued with poor health, but the article added this which I think explains a little about this hymn and so many others that he wrote: "Though naturally quick to resentment and anger, the Lord used Watts' sufferings to produce a gentle, modest, and charitable spirit. Out of his compassion, one-third of his small allowance was given to the poor. Watts' tenderness to children can be seen reflected in his lovely Divine Songs for Children, published in 1715."
God uses so many of our afflictions and weaknesses to bring glory to Himself. The life of this English hymn writer is yet another example of that. *

One Last Piece

2011-10-26T16:18:00.002-04:00

I just found out today that Henry's headstone is now installed at his grave. It has been almost two years and it feels good to finally have this accomplished. In some strange way I feel complete, like we have come full circle. It doesn't mean I won't have a day here and there that I feel sad or miss him, but I feel like we have put the last piece of the puzzle together. I hope the time is drawing near that we can add a new little member to our family, but I can honestly say I am content, whatever happens.

There is a song by Jason Gray called The Name of God is the Sound of our Breathing I heard him first sing it last Christmas at Behold the Lamb of God. The idea for the song came from a teaching he heard on the origins of God's name "Yahweh" and it's original Hebrew form. Here is an article he wrote about the song:
*********************************************************
The Sound Of Our Breathing
Take a breath and breathe it out. Do it again, slowly, and try to mean it. Breathing – of all things maybe we take it most for granted. Do we ever wonder why we are built this way, this soft machine of ours always pumping oxygen in and out?

In sadness, we breathe heavy sighs. In joy, our lungs feel almost like they will burst. In fear we hold our breath and have to be told to breathe slowly to help us calm down. When we’re about to do something hard, we take a deep breath to find our courage. When I think about it, breathing looks almost like a kind of praying.

I heard a teaching not long ago about the moment when Moses had the nerve to ask God what his name is. God was gracious enough to answer, and the name he gave is recorded in the original Hebrew as YHWH.

Over time we’ve arbitrarily added an “a” and an “e” in there to get YaHWeH, presumably because we have a preference for vowels. But scholars have noted that the letters YHWH represent breathing sounds, aspirated consonants that in the Hebrew alphabet would be transliterated like this:

Yod, rhymes with “rode”, which we transliterate “Y”
He, rhymes with “say”, which we transliterate “H”
Vav, like “lava”, which we transliterate “V” or “W”
He rhymes with “say”, which we transliterate “H”

A wonderful question rises to excite the imagination: what if the name of God is the sound of breathing?

This is a beautiful thought to me, especially considering that for centuries there have been those who have insisted that the name of God is so holy that we dare not speak it because of how unworthy we are. How generous of God to choose to give himself a name that we can’t help but speak every moment we’re alive. All of us, always, everywhere, waking, sleeping, with the name of God on our lips.

In his Nooma video, Breathe, Rob Bell (a pastor whose obvious gifts of curiosity and a knack for asking provocative questions can get him into trouble) wonders what this means in key moments like when a baby is born – newly arrived on planet earth, must they take their first breath, or rather speak the name of God if they are to be alive here? On our deathbed, do we breathe our last breath? Or is it that we cease to be alive when the name of God is no longer on our lips?

The most ironic of his questions is also the most beautiful: he wonders about the moment when an atheist friend looks across the table at you and says, “there. is. no. God”. And of course what you hear is “Yod. He. Vav. He.”

There are few better illustrations of both God’s largesse as well as his humility, his omnipresence as well as his singular intimate presence within each of us.

Breathe in. Breathe out. “He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs… the word that saves is right here, as near as the tongue in your mouth…” (Romans 8:28, 10:8 The Message)
***************************************************
The part that struck me was this line: "like when a baby is born – newly arrived on planet earth, must they take their first breath, or rather speak the name of God if they are to be alive here? On our deathbed, do we breathe our last breath? Or is it that we cease to be alive when the name of God is no longer on our lips?"

I was told by William that when Henry was lifted from me in the operating room that he took such a large breath his little chest just filled with air. From that point on his breath began to slow and wane, but for six minutes he breathed in and breathed out, speaking the name of God... YHWH. Makes me cry every time I think about it. What an amazing God we serve... YAHWEH

Nearly Two Years

2011-10-15T21:54:00.000-04:00

Henry's second birthday is just around the corner and I thought it would be fun to share some of the beautiful mementos and tributes that have been given to us in honor of his memory. Just two weeks ago, we FINALLY got around to ordering his headstone. While this has been something we meant to do from the time we buried him, I think it was the one last thing I could do for him and in some way I was intentionally saving it. But everything is perfect in God's time. Henry's headstone will be made from Georgia Blue granite, very fitting for a little boy from Georgia. The scripture passage we decided on is the same one we requested on the church plaque, from Psalm 139: "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." They have sketched a photo of his feet and they will be engraving them onto the stone as well; this was really important to me because I just loved those feet! I will post a picture of it for you all as soon as it is complete.

So many of you have done something for us in honor of him. Every note, gift, or kind word has meant so much to me... you have no idea! It is because of each one of you that my heart has been able to heal and I have been able to move forward. It has meant so much to me to have friends and family who have told us how much Henry's life meant to them, however brief it was. I wanted to share some of the things you have given to us that serve as reminders daily of God's goodness to us, even in the absolute worst of times.

Our church in Warner Robins, Houston Lake Presbyterian was a huge blessing during those days. I cannot tell you how much each of you meant to me! Behind the pulpit of the new sanctuary is a beautiful wooden cross. The church informed us shortly after everything happened that they would like to dedicate the cross in memory of Henry. Here is a photo of the plaque that stands in the back of the sanctuary

My two awesome friends Marie and Danielle both sent me amazing gifts for Henry's first birthday last year. Marie knitted a beautiful cream blanket that I have since given to a friend who gave birth to a special needs baby; and Danielle made me this, yes MADE it

She took all of the scripture verses from my blog and words from my favorite song (Henry's song) "Holy Is the Lord" by Andrew Peterson and put them on canvas with the cross and stained glass from the church in the foreground. Breath-taking isn't it?

My friend Brianne and her ladies small group bought me this figurine of a mother and child which has a place on my nightstand

I had this portrait of Henry's feet painted for William for our first Christmas without him. It hangs above his dresser and makes us both smile!

Last but not least, I have the beautiful photos taken by Alicia McDonald before and after his birth. If there was a house fire and I could only grab one thing I own, it would be these photos. Here are two that sit on my dresser

Of course, the two things that remind me most of Henry are these two

God has blessed us with two beautiful, smart, funny children who remind us every day of the grace that God has given us. I have learned to never take anything for granted and to cherish every moment I have with them.

As we inch ever closer to this time of year with so many mixed emotions, I think it important to share how much God showered us with His grace and mercy; and how He continues to heal us day by day. I love all of you who have listened to me, cried with me and read these words. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

They Paved Paradise and Put Up A Parking Lot

2011-10-11T16:29:00.001-04:00

Well, we returned home from our amazing Caribbean cruise a few weeks ago and the time since has been a flurry of activity. When we went on this trip, we had no idea how much we needed it. I mean, we knew we needed the time to relax and bond as a family, but we had no idea how much we desperately needed it until we were there and visited places like the above picture from St. Thomas. One reason I love to travel, is because it opens my eyes to the wonder and the beauty that is God's creation. Going some place far away and unlike my day to day life makes my world feel so small. I just can't get over the amazing beauty that God has allowed us, even in this fallen world.

The weeks following returning home, we have looked back on that time with fond memories of playing on the beach, sailing on a tall ship around St. Maarten, eating lobster then taking in a show; and even watching The Little Mermaid at nine in the morning on the pool deck with a 'Coco Loco' (a drink with rum, of course)!!! This past week in particular was extremely difficult. Some pretty heavy things have happened in our extended family, which have weighed heavily on our hearts and minds. God was so providential in providing a time of respite for our little family before all of this happened.

Looking out over Megan's Bay in St. Thomas, even with all of it's emerald sparkle, I know it cannot hold a candle to the Paradise that awaits the children of God. I am a theological person, I can't help it. Whenever something particularly sad or tragic happens, I mull over it and think about what it means incessantly. This entire week I have read my Bible and prayed like I haven't in awhile. I have reexamined my own heart and re-focused my energies. I was reminded of the importance of holding on to a world and life view that keeps God at the core. The Westminster Catechism's first question is What is the Chief end of Man? What a question, some might say, but the answer is surprisingly simple To Glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

God uses so many things to refocus our perspective; and He certainly has captured my attention this week. One song by Jason Gray put an image in my head which I cannot shake: "Broken hearts are being unbroken. Bitter words are being unspoken
The curse undone, the veil is parted. The garden gate will be left unguarded" I think about Adam and Eve leaving the Garden looking back over their shoulders at the angels guarding the gate; leaving paradise... for a parking lot. But God didn't leave them hopeless and broken; He promised to put everything right again through the promise of His Son. What a mental picture of the once guarded gate being flung open again, the curse undone, and the veil parted.
I leave you with this verse from Revelation 4:

Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, 10 the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say:

11 “You are worthy, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they were created
and have their being.”

Vacation

2011-09-07T14:48:00.001-04:00

This is a much anticipated week for the White family: Drum roll please!!!! We are about to embark on our first ever family cruise vacation with the kids and my Mom and Dad. This could not come at a better time for all parties involved. With the extreme drought here in Texas, William's crazy work schedule, and my depression this time of year... we need a vacation! Thank you Lord for providing one, it couldn't come at a better time. I only wish I could bring all my drought weary friends along for the trip! I promise to bring back some tropical souvenirs :-)
Please partner with us in praying for a safe and relaxing trip, with no hurricanes! I will post pictures when we get back - have a great next couple of weeks!

Flying in Missing Man Formation

2011-08-16T23:17:00.000-04:00

Tonight was Maisie's Kindergarten orientation and tomorrow is her first day. I am beyond thrilled to have some extra time to myself, but I am also a little sad and reflective as we embark on this new phase. The last week has been a little odd for me... I have been really tired and lazy. I haven't had the energy to do simple tasks, or even play with my kids. Yesterday William came home and asked me what I did during the day, to which I unabashedly replied "nothing". There is no reason for my slothfulness other than I just feel slothful. Then it hit me last night as I was staring blankly at the computer, that it was about this time two years ago that we received the joyful news we were having another boy; and almost as quickly as the joy filled our hearts, anguish overtook it. Our baby was possibly fatally ill and would most likely die before we would ever see his precious face. I will never be able to fully describe the way my heart shattered that day, and you wouldn't want me too. Thankfully, God sustained us during that time and he allowed Henry to live another ten weeks so we could meet him and he could hear me tell him how much I loved and wanted him.

If it weren't enough that this time of year has it's own significance for me, I have been bombarded with stories of people in similar situations. Every time I hear someone's story I am immediately transported back to the day I got that fateful phone call, and I literally feel their pain. It hit home this week when I found out a friend who is expecting also had a scare this summer and was sent to see a specialist. Thankfully, it turns out he doesn't have a Trisomy, but he will be born with a cleft lip. I know when I see him for the first time, I will be a ball of tears! I have a soft spot for boys with cleft lips :-)

My mom is the one who coined the phrase for us: "You are flying in missing man formation", and it is so true. I can still function everyday, I can still care for my family, I can still laugh and have a good time, but there are moments when there is a twinge, or a flicker. I had one of those moments tonight at Kindergarten orientation... Henry should have been sitting right in the middle of Maisie and Liam, but he wasn't.

The mind is a fascinating thing. I liken the way I feel to a person who has lost an arm, you know it isn't there, but you can still feel your fingers move. I know Henry isn't physically here, but I can still feel him in my arms and I can still remember the softness of his skin and his delicate, long fingers... he was truly precious.

Thank you for letting me share and reflect. It is truly healing to pour my thoughts into this blog. Thank you to all my friends and family who have prayed for me over the last year and a half and who have told me how much Henry meant to them, it is such a comfort. God is the rock on which I stand and without Him I would cease to exist. He has been my source of comfort and strength, and He will continue to be.

I leave you with a verse from Psalm 139 that always makes me think of Henry, even though it pertains to each one of us, enjoy!

3 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Sweet Treats

2011-08-15T14:38:00.000-04:00

The other day, Daddy was working late (as usual) and we were hot and bored (as usual), so, we ate an earlier dinner and hopped in the car for a little jaunt to our favorite place: Yogurt Journey!

I happened to have my camera handy...

Happy Boy!

Yum Yum!

Completely satisfied

It has been incredibly hot and dry here for months. It is almost too hot to do anything but sit inside and watch movies... which we watch A LOT of movies! Good thing school starts soon, or my kids would be professional couch potatoes when they grow up! Thank the Lord for Yogurt Journey :-)

Birthdays and Baby Showers

2011-08-05T09:59:00.000-04:00

The last few weeks have been a flutter of party excitement. I had my 29th birthday on July 20th, shared with some of my favorite people... my family! My mother-in-law was able to be here and she made me a fabulous dinner of West Indies Crab Salad Shrimp and Grits and Chocolate Sheet Cake (my favorite). Here are some photos from that night, and yes, Maisie made my birthday crown!

My amazing mother-in-law, Katherine

Then last weekend I had the privilege of throwing a baby shower for my dear friend Candy, who expecting a baby boy in September. She and her husband were some of our first friends in Wichita Falls and have made us feel right at home. I was so happy she let me throw her a shower. Here are some photos from the day:

K cookies for baby Kamden

Gidget's famous chicken salad in filo cups, yum!

The spread

Big sister Lakin helping with the gifts

The beautiful mommy to be!

Now that summer is coming to an end (I can't believe it!) I am turning my attention to getting Maisie ready for kindergarten, yikes! She starts in two weeks and there will be many photos taken and a few tears shed on that day. Can't wait to hear from all my other mommy friends on how you are coping with the impending school year! Have a great weekend!

Live Like We Believe It

2011-07-12T15:04:00.000-04:00

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do." James 1:22-25

This was the passage from the sermon this Sunday and it hit home. I have a confession: I don't like Texas. It's hot, dry, windy,and REALLY far from all of the people I love. I have wallowed and complained quite a lot since coming here, and yes, I have pouted! It is absolutely true what they say: "the grass is greener..." I miss Georgia, and my family, and my house, and my church, and on and on... But the above hit me smack in the face this Sunday, because of this passage:

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:11-13

This passage has been running rampant through my mind for months, yet, I haven't been able to comprehend it. Yes, I know what Paul is saying but believing and doing are a whole other issue. I have lived in seven years of plenty, and now I am in a little bit of want and I can't handle it! I whine, pout, and even get angry. I ask God all the time, "Why here?" "Why now?" "Why me?" But then I hear this verse from James:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything".

I think, Joy? You mean not only be content, but also have Joy? Not sure I can do both! But then I hear a sermon on Sunday about James speaking to his listeners about looking into mirrors and forgetting what they have just seen. My faith is like that, shallow and waning. I hear the Gospel and I nod my head in agreement and then I am not even out of the doors of church and have nearly forgotten it. I get home and I start complaining again, the beast of discontentment rearing his ugly head all over again. Can I really be content and also have joy? Paul says yes, but only "through Christ, who gives me strength."

So, I need to be on my knees every day, asking God to give me strength to overcome discontentment and joy for the day ahead. The thing is, I know that no matter where I live, or how great I have it, I will always be discontented if I don't have Christ. I have to start living like I believe it, and stop forgetting what I have just seen in the mirror. This isn't going to be easy, but I have to do it.

I leave you with these amazing lyrics from my new favorite song, "Slumber" by Needtobreathe (yes I am obsessed):

Days; they force you back under those covers,
lazy mornings; they multiply,
glory's waiting outside your windows.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

Tongues are violent, personal and focused,
tough to be with your steady mind,
Hearts are stronger after broken.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

All these victims stand in line for,
Crumbs that fall from the table just enough to get by,
all the while your invitation.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

So true...

Catch Up Post

2011-07-09T17:40:00.002-04:00

I am a major slacker in blogging these days! Summer days just seem to fly by, and all of my usual activities get put on the back-burner, including keeping up my blog. Well, much has happened in the last month, most notably, our trip to Florida and Maisie's EEG (more on that in a minute). The trip was fantastic, we had a great time visiting cousins and aunts, uncles, and grandparents, even great-grandparents!!! Spent a lot of time at the beach or the swimming pool, and soaking up the Florida sunshine. However, on the way home, we were in a car wreck on I-20 that caused major damage to the car and a delay of two days getting home. All is well now, but we are still awaiting the decision from the insurance on whether or not we owe anything to the other driver that I hit. It is very complicated, but we are hoping they can resolve it without any legal action by the other party (they were not very nice). That aside, we are recuperating and should have our car back next week. Here are some pics from the vaca:

Also while visiting Pensacola, we got to go to dad's church plant Circle Presbyterian Church in Pace, FL. We loved hearing O'Daddy preach!

Because our wreck held us back a few days in Louisiana, we had to reschedule the EEG appt. for July 5th. The night of the fourth I had to keep Maisie awake all night, and man was that a challenge!!! We went to Wal-mart for a late night run, bought movies, snacks, and cupcake mix. We made cupcakes at midnight, ate them at one, colored with crayons at 3 and turned on Barbie movies. By four, she couldn't hold on any longer and I let her take a little nap. Here are a few pics from our all night girl fest:

The EEG turned out to be completely normal, meaning she is most likely not having seizures at night. Her neurologist suggesting giving her melatonin to ward off light sleep that causes the night terrors. So far so good, so we'll see!

Today we went to a car show, where we saw almost every character from the Cars movie! Flo, Sarge, Snotrod, and even a few Rusteez cars, but the best one was a Ford Model T from 1917 who reminded us of Lizzie (below)

Here is the real Lizzie:

And here is the Mustang I always wanted as a teenager, but never got

Good times as a family! Well, that's about it for the long catch up post. Hope summer continues to be great, but not quite as hot (110 yesterday)!!! More to come soon. :-)

Cookout

2011-05-25T22:27:00.000-04:00

Tonight we decided to have an impromptu cookout in the backyard. I love the beginning of summer when it is still light enough late in the day but cool enough to hang out and enjoy the outdoors. William grilled some burgers and we watched the kids play, and of course, I had my new camera handy for some shots of the kids. Good thing too, 'cause they were ready to pose!

Here is Liam playing in the tunnel, peek a boo!

Maisie and Liam were walking along the stone path and I caught this cute one of their feet as they met in the middle

But these are my favorite... This is a piece I have entitled "The Kiss" because I asked Maisie to give Liam a kiss and this is what she does (every time):

Liam's aftershock

And Maisie, very pleased with herself:

Ahhh... brothers and sisters! After our cookout, I treated every one to frozen yogurt, a perfect end to a great evening. Now, the house is quiet and still. Sigh...

New Camera and Some Backyard Fun

2011-05-23T20:19:00.000-04:00

This weekend was William's and my seventh wedding anniversary. On Saturday (a day early) William surprised me with the MOST awesome gift... I have wanted a digital SLR camera for ages, but they are so expensive, so we waited. After I had a little meltdown on Friday night (about a few things, the camera included) William went out on Saturday with the kids and his Dad, and they sold a couple of William's guns to buy me the digital camera I have been longing for. I can't say how much I loved my husband in that moment. Not because he bought me something so nice, but that he sacrificed something that he loved. It may not sound all that romantic to some, but it was the height of romantic gestures for me. Every day William surprises me more and more and I love him so dearly... ok, enough with the mushy stuff!
Here are some photos I took on Sunday outside with my brood:

Unfortunately, Blogger makes the pictures appear fuzzy, but they are really crystal clear. These were all taken with my new Nikon D5000, love it! Stay tuned for more in the future!

The Graduate

2011-05-20T21:42:00.000-04:00

This week Maisie Graduated from Pre-K! And... she performed in a ballet recital! Here she is hugging her daddy:

And here she is modeling for the camera:

I can't believe my little girl is growing up so fast! I wish I could freeze frame this time and hold on to her forever! Next week she goes roller skating with her new kindergarten class... KINDERGARTEN! I just can't believe it :-)

Maisie's 5th Birthday (Unbirthday Tea Party)

2011-05-14T17:50:00.003-04:00

Today was Maisie's 5th Birthday! You are cordially invited:

Before playing, push pause on my blog player in the side bar. Enjoy!!!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Everything Sad (Part 2)

2011-05-11T21:06:00.000-04:00

“Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher. “Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.”

The above quote is King Solomon from Ecclesiastes chapter 1. I think it is a really interesting quote from the King who had everything. Solomon was rich beyond my wildest dreams and yet, the way he started this book was by saying 'It's all meaningless!' Could it be that Solomon was a 'void filler' like me??? I think so.

The entire book of Ecclesiastes is an examination of the things Solomon valued, but always came up short. Pleasure: Meaningless, Wisdom: Meaningless, Work: Meaningless, Achievements: Meaningless. Everything he had and everything he did was meaningless, a chasing after the wind. Why was Solomon so miserable? Pretty sure it's the same reason I am miserable.

I feel it now more than ever: the world is GROANING! I am groaning, my family is groaning, my friends are groaning... Jesus, where are you?

A little while ago, I experienced something I have never experienced before: I was listening to 'Oh Love that Will Not Let Me Go' by Indelible Grace (if you have not heard this version of the hymn, It's on my playlist) I was belting it out at the top of my lungs and during the last verse, "O Cross that liftest up my head, I dare not ask to fly from thee; I lay in dust life’s glory dead, And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be." My arms involuntarily lifted in utter praise and admiration for the God who is stripping away the old and replacing it with the new.

I'm not gonna lie, I've gone through a period of depression the last month or so. My marriage has had some ugly moments lately, and I feel pretty crummy inside and out. I am discontent with where I live, with how many hours my hubby works, with the amount of money we make and the list goes on and on! Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless! No matter how much I eat, drink, exercise, travel, or spend, nothing is going to fill the monstrous void in the pit of my stomach.

The last few days, my body has been playing cruel tricks on me. I have had this muscle cramping around my abdomen that feels eerily like ligament stretching in pregnancy, however, I know for a fact I am NOT pregnant. But every time I feel it, a little tug goes straight to my heart, because that too is another discontentment, another disappointment, and in my case, another chasing after the wind.

So, Solomon my friend, what are we to do about this?

I watched a Jason Gray video on You Tube about the makings of the song "Everything Sad is Coming Untrue" (parts 1 and 2). He talked about when he was sitting down one day reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy and came upon the line where Sam (thinking Gandalf was dead) says this: "Gandalf! I thought you were dead! But then I thought I was dead myself. Is everything sad going to come untrue? What's happened to the world?" A great Shadow has departed," said Gandalf, and then he laughed and the sound was like music, or like water in a parched land; and as he listened the thought came to Sam that he had not heard laughter, the pure sound of merriment, for days upon days without count."

Can you relate to that line? I can. In Ecclesiastes we have Solomon with all of his riches and spoils beating his chest for the meaning of it all, and then we have Gandalf, who laughs with merriment at the thought of something Sam himself is not yet aware of, but Gandalf knew. The story isn't over, not yet.

Fast forward to the Gospel message in 2 Corinthians Chapter 4:
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

The world is groaning because we have fixed our eyes on what is seen (meaningless). We have chased after the wind (meaningless) and we have put our idols before God (meaningless). But then Paul jumps in and tells us Do Not Loose Heart!!! Everything sad really is coming untrue! And these momentary afflictions, though painful and agonizingly tiresome, are achieving for us a greater glory than we could ever hope to deserve! Praise God for that message, because of all of these sinners, I am the greatest and the least deserving. Tonight, when I hung my head, I truly believe it was God who lifted my arms.

Easter

2011-04-25T17:20:00.003-04:00

The past couple of weeks have been really fun. My mom came into town for a whole week to accompany Maisie and I to the doctor in Oklahoma city, where we received some very encouraging news about Maisie's health concerns. While mom was here, the three girls got to attend The Sound of Music at the Wichita Little Theater. Let me just say, it was a BLAST!!! I was so thrilled to get to do something like that with my mom and my little girl (who was spell bound). Also, William's parents were in town for Easter this year, which was so nice. On Saturday, we attended the first ever Colonial Church Easter egg drop. They dropped 35,000 eggs filled with candy from a helicopter... way cool! The kids rushed the field and William caught a few pics of the kids grabbing up the goodies. Pictures below:

Easter was restful and the church service was much needed. The worship team opened with 'Christ Is Risen from the Dead' and a video. A chain link cross was raised with sins written all over it, symbolizing the sin that Jesus became when he died on the cross. Then, during the bridge of the song, the cross was dropped from the ceiling to symbolize that He had defeated death and risen again. It was really neat. I included the video below:

A World That Is Burning to the Ground

2011-04-11T01:00:00.003-04:00

"Let us love
Like we were children
Make us feel
Like we're still living
In a world I know that's burning to the ground
Give us time
To beat the system
Make us find
What we've been missing
In a world I know that's burning to the ground" -Let Us Love by Needtobreathe

Tonight, while writing yet another response to a politically charged thread I had been following on Facebook, and finding myself getting heavily 'involved' with the liberal rhetoric that so easily irritates me, the lyrics above came to mind and I logged off. I had been sucked into a discussion with someone who is from the "Pro-choice" (I use this term loosely) movement over government funding for Planned Parenthood. I had been following this thread for a few days and interjecting something here and there, but tonight I was getting angry (and I believe righteously so) over the liberal rhetoric this person was espousing in defense of abortion. I could feel my blood pressure getting higher as I thought of the 'perfect' response to her previous comments... then, it happened, the vision of this little guy popped into my head

...And everything came back into focus. You know what, we live in a world that is burning to the ground.

My phone rang soon after and my friend Kimberly was on the line. We had an hour-long conversation about mutual struggles and disappointments, about how all the former things are falling away, and how we are so glad of this. Call me morbid, but I take comfort in knowing the the rotting and ailment of our bodies is bringing us closer to the eternity we will share with Christ, and how the arguments over what constitutes abortion will be no more! We are living in a world that is burning to the ground... praise Jesus!

The sermon today was aptly on disappointments and how God would have us deal with those. The person of topic was Elijah, and how he was a faithful servant of the Lord's and how he was appointed to so many challenging tasks during the reign of Ahab. Even though God was always faithful to help him and to guide him, he himself ran away from everything when Jezebel threatened his life. The Bible says in 1 Kings 19 that he went into the dessert and he sat under a shade tree and asked God to let him die! Elijah was so discouraged, but God revealed himself again to him and reminded him that He was going to continue to do great things through Elijah and the prophets after him. Later on in 1 Kings we learn that God took His faithful servant Elijah up to heaven in a whirlwind...my mind cannot even begin to grasp how cool that must have been!

I believe as Christians we are put on this earth to be a living witness for Christ, and we can do this in a number of ways. I also believe with all my heart that God wants me to stand up for what is right; but I also believe that He wants me to know when to put away my sword and just rest under the shade tree for awhile. I don't believe that seeing the world as a dying orb is a pessimistic world and life view, but rather a fulfillment of the Covenant. I take great comfort in knowing that the latest on Fox News, or the Weather channel, or CNN is not all there is, but that there is so much more that awaits us. Did you say the polar ice caps are melting? Well, of course they are, the world is burning to the ground! The old is passing away and giving way to the new:

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."

Isaiah 43:19

If not for this belief, I would be yelling at my computer and TV screen all the time. Instead, I am putting it away and committing to pray for the Facebook girl out there who is angry at God and everything that He loves. All the fact-based arguing in the world isn't going to change her heart, but God can. This world may be burning to the ground, but I believe God is sovereign over all things, even the abortion advocates on Facebook :-)

Fences of Favor

2011-04-01T16:40:00.001-04:00

Hello All,
Just wanted to share something interesting today. This month, the pastor of the church we are attending has been preaching a series from Leviticus called "Fences of Favor". I have thoroughly enjoyed this series because the books of the law are so rich with life application, but are often tossed aside in many evangelical churches. The series is mostly on the topic of money and how we are to view the money God has given us. The 'fence' is in place for own protection and God favors us when we abide by His commandments. This week's sermon was on tithing. One thing he pointed out is that many evangelicals today will say: "Why are you preaching from the law? We aren't under the law any more, aren't we under grace? Why should I tithe a tenth of my salary if the law no longer applies?" I thought his answer was really interesting, he said: "One of the Old Testament commandments is thou shalt not murder. Jesus, in the New Testament says: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous". He posed the question: which one is more demanding here, the law or the grace? I had never thought of it in those terms before.

A surprising statistic: We attend a church with about 1200 attendees each week, out of those 1200 people only 25% tithe regularly to the church. I gotta say, I was in shock! Only 25%??? The pastor pointed out that if the church is only operating on a fourth, imagine what we could do with 50, 75 or 100%! We could be feeding the hungry, caring for the widows, and equipping missionaries to go out into the world and share the Gospel! A fourth of the entire church is giving, that is pitiful! Imagine if the churches of the world were faithful to give regularly as God has commanded? Imagine what we could do with all that money??? Maybe we wouldn't need social security or medicare or medicaid! Maybe the Church could take care of the needy and the oppressed, just maybe? Imagine that!

Like I said, I just wanted to share because I thought it was something to think about. As the pastor pointed out, tithing isn't about money, it is about trust, trusting God to continually provide for our every need. Good stuff I think.

Matilda Jane Wishlists

2011-03-31T13:07:00.000-04:00

If you are planning to order something please visit the Matilda Jane site to add items to your wishlist and email them to kakiefield@cs.com by Saturday April 2nd!!! New items to be added to the site on April 1st, so don't miss out!

These clothes are so unique and they wear REALLY well. Maisie gets compliments every time we go out. Hope you all can make it! -Katie

Everything Sad...

2011-03-21T23:36:00.000-04:00

Friends,
Before I begin, let me just say a huge 'Thank you' for praying for us and loving us during yet another difficult time in our lives. It seems as though the last year and a half have been a flurry of activity and not all of it good. Yes, there have been some good times and happy occasions, but I gotta say, it's been tough.
Maisie has an appointment with the pediatric neurologist on April 15 and we are hoping to get some solid answers at this visit. God has really provided by getting us into this practice, it is supposed to be really great.
This has been a calm week, with no vomiting at night and lots of rest for mom and Maisie. We are so thankful for the rest this week!
On a side note, in the car on the way home tonight, we were listening to Jason Gray's "Everything Sad Is Coming Untrue (Part 2)" This song is precious and really amazing. Maisie began to cry and said: "I love God!" I thought, she gets this already? Awesome.
I leave you with some of the lyrics:

Broken hearts are being unbroken
Bitter words are being unspoken
The curse undone, the veil is parted
The garden gate will be left unguarded

Could it be everything sad is coming untrue?
Oh I believe everything sad is coming untrue
In the hands of the One
Who is making all things new

Praising the One who is making everything sad come untrue!
"And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful." Revelation 21:5

The Latest

2011-03-13T21:22:00.001-04:00

Just a little update on Maisie...

She is still getting sick every other night, but we have had a few nights of peace this weekend! Her pediatrician has referred her to a pediatric neurologist for more testing. More than likely, we will be seeing a doctor in Oklahoma City at the Children's hospital there, but we are waiting for insurance approval at this point. I am hoping by this week we will have an appointment scheduled. Meanwhile, I am becoming an insomniac! William has been gone the last two weekends and this has left me with a lot of anxiety being the only parent in charge at night. I am asking for prayers for peace and rest during this time.
One additional thing, Maisie has been really hyperactive lately which is really draining and frustrating. I am trying to be patient with her because I don't know if it is related to how she feels, but it is REALLY hard! I admit, I have lost it with her a few times lately... Lord, give me strength!

I have posted some new music that is inspiring me lately. Laura Story's "Blessings" is pretty much my new favorite and a musical prayer for me right now. I hope you enjoy it!

Thanks again for the prayers and thoughts... keep 'em coming!

Maisie Update

2011-03-04T19:21:00.001-05:00

Well, here we go again... After nearly two weeks on Miralax, Maisie woke up early on Thursday morning vomiting again. This time she was awake for nearly two hours and vomiting every ten minutes. Once again, she did this until her tummy was empty and she was completely drained. This is SO upsetting to watch as a parent. Today we went back to the doctor's office and saw the AMAZING nurse practitioner again. She has been so wonderful and genuinely concerned. She consulted with the doctors and they all agreed that she needs a CT scan on Monday morning. This will hopefully rule out any brain tumors or bleeding. They have also made her an appt. with the pediatric opthamologist April 5 for the Nystagmus. These could be separate symptoms or all related, who knows? I beg of all of my fellow mommies and daddies to pray for our sweet Maisie... she is our first born and our precious girl and it breaks my heart to see her do this without knowing why. Please pray with us that they find the cause and that it is something that is easily treated! Thank you!!!

*Photo is Maisie at Liam's birthday party*

Save the Date!

2011-02-23T19:29:00.001-05:00

If you live in Wichita Falls, or are a friend who would like to place an out of town order.... you are invited to my first Matilda Jane Trunk Party!

The date for my party is April 2, 2011 2pm-5pm Come and go!
If you would like to shop online and look at the new spring collection click here

Hope you can join us!

*P.S. I have been contacted by a number of you on how to place an order if you do not live near me. The answer is to visit the website and fill out a wishlist and email it to me @ kakiefield@cs.com by April 2nd. The second addition to the spring line is March 1 and the 3rd addition is April 1st, so keep checking the website to add to your list!

check this out

2011-02-22T21:53:00.000-05:00

One of my best friends in the whole world just started a blog this past week. Kimberly has been a friend, mentor, and big sister to me since I was sixteen years old. She is hilarious, honest, and truly profound. I love that I can now reap her words of wisdom any time I want! Check out her new blog:
Ain't Nothing New Under the Sun

What A Week

2011-02-15T17:36:00.001-05:00

The last couple of weeks have really worn me out. My dogs got into bug poison and Mac got REALLY sick and spent two days at the vet. Maisie has been doing this weird chronic vomiting at night thing for going on two weeks, and on top of it all, we are trying to complete our brick patio (among other projects). I am SO tired! Maisie went to the doctor this morning and they were baffled, but they agreed this is something that needs to be addressed and soon. She had her first X-Ray (of her tummy) and it turns out she is very constipated. They are putting her on meds for this and will re-evaluate in two weeks. On a side note, her right eye ball was twitching and this was cause for concern. She will be visiting the eye doctor as well. Thank you Lord for insurance!
I have to admit, last night when I was up at 12:30 am with a sick baby in the shower rinsing vomit out of her hair, mommy had a melt down. I cried like a baby and shook my hands at the heavens "What is going on?" I cried to God, I felt so helpless! If Maisie or Liam was ever really sick, I think I would lose my mind. My heart goes out to parents with deathly ill children...
While spending our entire morning at the doctor, I managed to take a few shots of my awesome (but VERY high maintenance girl and boy) here they are:

Please pray that whatever is causing this to be resolved, for Maisie's health and my SANITY!!! ;-)

Tidbits

2011-01-26T23:57:00.000-05:00

It has busy around here this week! Home improvements are underway here again, beginning with the addition of a much needed back porch. William has been hard at work digging, pouring sand and rock, etc. We are building a brick patio, a first for the White household. This weekend he needs my help laying the bricks, so I plan to go out there and take some pictures of before and after for the DIYers out there reading this. Also, I have been a busy bee painting (as usual) this time it is our bedroom getting the overhaul. I LOVE the color and will post more on this later.

I just wanted to post some more on my health concerns: I am wearing a heart monitor until the end of the week, at which point they will evaluate all the data and go over all my blood work and tests. I meet with the cardiologist again in early February to hopefully find out more. I have had no incidents in the last couple weeks, so who knows if he will even find anything!

Liam is doing awesome with his words and is even going poop on the potty! (Sorry, TMI I know, but we get excited about this stuff don't we moms?) He is turning into such a little man, it makes my heart ache! They truly grow up WAY too fast. Anyway, one thing he has started doing that is really great is that he plays pretend! Tonight he was a puppy named Toto (they've been watching the Wizard of OZ) and he crawled around all night barking and wagging his tongue... so cute! This is really big for him and his personality as he tends to be more inward and analytical. It is nice to see him be imaginative on his own without Maisie's prodding.

Maisie is LOVING pre-K! Tomorrow is sports day and she is excited to wear her smocked Gator dress to school (daddy does not know this, because what he doesn't know won't hurt him!) On occasion, she will say something in Spanish out of the blue, which is really fun! So glad she is listening and learning so much. On a side note, she is convinced I am pregnant ALL the time. She consistently pats my stomach and says: "Mommy, you look like you are having a baby." To which I say: "No Maisie, I am not having a baby, Mommy is just fat." It doesn't seem to phase her, she still thinks I am pregnant.

And that is our life this week... pictures to come, I promise! I hope all my friends and family are doing well. Thanks for reading!

Katie

I'm NOT Dead

2011-01-21T17:00:00.000-05:00

I just wanted everyone to know that I am alive and well! I have ignored my blog the last few weeks because I have been very busy getting back to 'regular' life! Back to school, back to cleaning, back to painting and making our house a HOME! Many posts to follow on my health, house repairs, trips, etc. I am very excited to be going to New Orleans in a couple of weeks for William's cousin's wedding. I get to see my family, yeah!!! I promise to post more soon for those of you who have asked (Nicole that means you) ;-) TaTa for now, Katie

A Milestone for Henry

2010-12-27T15:56:00.002-05:00

Today I clicked on Henry's video and to my surprise, it has been viewed over 1200 times! I can assure you, I have not watched it 1200 times! Though, I've viewed it a few :-) The comments are so sweet and it feels good knowing so many have been positively affected by this video, and Henry's precious life. I can't believe that it has been over a year now since he came and quietly left, but I look forward to the day when I will hold my baby boy again in true Paradise.

*UPDATE

2010-12-23T16:45:00.002-05:00

Saw the doc today (don't like her at all and I am going to switch), and she thinks it isn't a panic attack but that I need to see a cardiologist and be fitted for a heart monitor... what??? I still think it is stress related and I think the cardiologist will see it my way ;-) Thank you for your prayers. Please pray that it is nothing and this will all just go AWAY! Thanks ;-)

Stuffing

2010-12-22T17:16:00.002-05:00

This post is about stuffing, but not the kind you eat. I am going to the doctor tomorrow to discuss a possible medical condition.... panic attacks. Over the last several weeks, I have begun waking up in the early stages of sleep with a rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, dizziness, and an overall state of fear (or panic). I first brushed it off as a fluke thing, but it has begun to happen two or three times a week, leaving me tired and scared. After having another episode last night and being awake until the wee hours, I decided to do some internet research. First, some really scary things popped up like heart conditions and arrhythmia's... but another article was on panic disorders and how they can occur at night. After reading about nighttime attacks, I called my doc and she can see me tomorrow morning. Hopefully, this is all it is and they can help me work through it. One notable thing the article said was that they can occur seemingly out of nowhere because a person has been 'stuffing' their anxiety and stress during the day. They often begin because of a life altering event like a cross country move or a death of a loved one... bingo! Let's just hope she can help me, because, I am TIRED!!! Please pray for me to get this sorted out before the holiday, thanks!

Christmas at the Other White House

2010-12-16T21:34:00.007-05:00

Welcome to our happy home! Make yourself comfortable and take a look around... we've been busy getting ready for Christmas ;-)

Making a gingerbread house with dad! But before you get too impressed, I admit it was a kit and because men don't read directions, it didn't make it through the night! You mean the icing needs to harden before you load the thing down with candy??? Go figure!

Our mantle... yes, that is a portrait of Liam gracing the fireplace (I love it) Can't wait to get one of Maisie done next spring!

These gold pine cone reindeer are a gift to myself this year, and I love them on my dining table with some fresh pine!

Maisie had her ballet recital Tuesday night! And since Daddy forgot to put the memory card back into the camera... we had to take a picture at home in her own tutu, oh well!

Next post: Liam's Third Birthday Party!

Christmas is a Weird Time (Let me explain)

2010-12-14T09:07:00.010-05:00

Christmas-time is a weird time of year for me these days. One day I am dancing around the kitchen baking cookies and singing along to Christmas carols, and the next I am sitting on the floor of the shower in a ball of tears. What the??? I was pretty much fine on Henry's first birthday, and I was great all through Thanksgiving because I was so busy. I am a girl who lives for distraction... anyone of my family will tell you that if you find me mindlessly in front of the television, or eating like a hungry hippo, or shopping like a mad woman, I am driving myself to distraction. I want to ignore the real problem, or the real emotion underneath. I do this to myself.
I feel as though this blog is a 'bi-polor' blog these days. Don't get me wrong, everything posted here is the 'real' me... just a more manic me. I want so much to feel right again!!!
You may be wondering what finally brought me back into reality... Sunday night we had Liam's 3rd Birthday Party (more on this to come). Later (much later) that evening we got a call from our friends who are expecting their second child that she was in labor and they would be bringing Claire (their first) to come stay with us for the night. It was a late night, but everything went smoothly and mother and baby are now doing fine. Long story short, I decided last night to visit them in the hospital and see the new bundle of joy! However, as I boarded the elevator to go up to the fourth floor, I was stung by a strange feeling... almost like deja vu, but not quite. When I got to her floor and was buzzed in by the nurse, I was hit by the familiar smells and sounds of the postpartum ward. Babies crying in the distance and balloons on the door. It hit me right then, but I got it together enough to visit and hold the baby without sobbing.
After I left and got into the car, I went though McDonald's and got a hot fudge Sundae (that I did not need) and went home to stare at a computer screen for an hour (reading People mag junk). Then, I went to take my shower and go to bed. But, I couldn't hide from myself, or my sadness... and out it came. When I got into the bed William was doing his devotion, I crawled in and said "read to me". He did. Then I cried some more...
This was healthy... finally

I don't want to leave without mentioning it is Liam's 3rd Birthday today! He is growing up WAY too fast.

Liam on his first birthday:

Liam on his third birthday:

We had cake for breakfast this morning and we can have cake for lunch if he wants... life is too short to sweat the small stuff ;-)

This weekend we went to see Narnia (Voyage of the Dawn Treader) and it was great (as always). The end scene in Narnia is what got me... I leave you with the mouse ( I forget his name) getting in his boat to go to Aslan's country and he puts his sword in the sand and says "I won't be needing this anymore". So true.....

Santa's Little Helper

2010-12-09T22:22:00.007-05:00

I have been a busy today! The above picture is my newly finished dining room, which has since become "Santa's workshop" I have been busy wrapping, signing cards, and tying ribbons. If this wasn't enough to do, I decided to try making peppermint bark for us and our new friends. This is a photographed documentary of the process. Pretty simple really....

First, the milk chocolate needs to melt

Got to taste it and make sure it isn't poisoned or anything!

Now, for the white chocolate...

Almost done...

The finished product ready to be gifted to a lucky recipient! :-)

Before you are tempted to think I am some kind of Martha Stewart (which I know is your first inclination) please check out a real pro here

Enjoy ;-)

The Lord Is With You

2010-12-07T10:46:00.005-05:00

This song was sung at the Christmas pageant we went to this weekend at First Baptist Church. I had never heard it before, but I cried like a baby! This is a new favorite. I found this version on You Tube and would like to share it with all of you!
To view, click
this

"29 Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30 But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. 31 You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. 32 He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33 and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”

34 “How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”

35 The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called[b] the Son of God. 36 Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. 37 For no word from God will ever fail.”

38 “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her." Luke 1:26-38

Holidays

2010-12-03T10:42:00.008-05:00

It's been awhile since I posted last... because we've been busy around here! All the holiday merriment has gotten well underway here in Texas! We've been decorating, traveling, and attending some fun Christmas activities! Here are some pics of the recent Christmas parade downtown!

The Thanksgiving holiday in Mississippi was a blast. Here are a few pics of the cousins being, well, Cousins!

And last but not least, our beautiful new countertops were installed!

Whew! It has been busy, but I like it that way. I hope all of you are enjoying this season as much as we are. More to come after the weekend!

I'm A Little Turkey

2010-11-12T15:18:00.005-05:00

Maisie had her Thanksgiving Program at school today and it was so cute and very funny! Maisie loves to sing and she really got into the last song which is sung partly in Spanish. She's my little turkey!

Happy Birthday, Henry

2010-11-08T09:21:00.000-05:00

Today is Henry's first birthday. Today we will be spending time as a family and remembering our sweet little boy. Just like this day last year, I was awakened early, only this time it was Maisie who wasn't feeling well. Life goes on I guess!

Birthday Countdown Part 2

2010-11-06T22:46:00.003-04:00

The picture above is the cross that hangs above the pulpit in Houston Lake Presbyterian Church. Just before we left, my good friend (and Grief Share leader) Ms. Eunice framed and gave this photo to me. This is the cross that our church family decided to dedicate to the memory of Henry David White. Our pastor said that the cross serves as a reminder of the price that was paid and the eternity with Christ that is all of ours if we put our faith in Him. It just blows my mind that my baby son who lived just six minutes on this earth has already come to know the many wonders that my finite mind cannot begin to fathom. One day he will take me by the hand and we will be part of it all together!

"Now for the loss I bear His name, what was my gain I count my loss; my former pride I call my shame, and nail my glory to His cross." - Isaac Watts 'I Boast No More'

Trick or Treat 2010

2010-11-03T14:39:00.004-04:00

Halloween this year was GREAT! It was especially wonderful because it was the first one in two years that William was able to be here for. We had a great time Trick or Treating with our good friend Clare Ashburn! (AKA the cute butterfly) :-)

Birthday Countdown Part 1

2010-11-01T23:57:00.003-04:00

Well, as promised, here is the first of a few special posts leading up to Henry's 1st Birthday (just one week away!) And in this first post I want to share something really cool. Yesterday at church, the pastor was wrapping up a three part series titled "So You're Dead, Now What?" This last sermon was on Heaven. Now, I don't believe in coincidences... and it was no coincidence that he decided to preach on heaven just one week before Henry's birthday. He read this passage from Revelation:

1 Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,”[a] for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 2 I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’[b] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
5 He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”
6 He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. 7 Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children. Revelation 21: 1-6

Like I said, there are no coincidences, only Divine Providence. William and I both sat there listening with tears in our eyes and holding hands. This was exactly what we needed to hear and God knew it. We told the pastor after the service about Henry and how it is his first birthday next week. All he could say was "Isn't God amazing?" Yes, God certainly is.

Post Script: The photo above is one of the few mementos I want to share this week. My mother in-law bought me this bracelet a few weeks ago in honor of Henry's birthday. I have worn it everyday since.

State Fair

2010-10-25T12:25:00.007-04:00

A few weeks ago we went to the State Fair of Texas. My mother-in-law was in town and we decided to head to Dallas for the biggest state fair in the USA. A few hours later we were broke and exhausted, but we had a great time!

The Baylor vs. Texas Tech game was next door and Maisie found a nice Texas Tech cheerleader who loaned Maisie her pom poms for a cheer!

More to Come

2010-10-18T20:49:00.006-04:00

Hello Friends! Sorry it has been so long since I posted. Several of you have asked i.e. begged for more news and photos of our life here in Texas. It has been a whirl wind of activity since we got here and I have been playing catch up ever since. On top of it all, I am having camera trouble and am unable to upload photos right now. However, I promise to get some on here asap. Also, Henry's first birthday is just around the corner and I have a few special posts in store leading up to the occasion. I would love to here some ideas from the other Trisomy mommies on how they plan to celebrate or have celebrated birthdays in the past. Obviously these are not ordinary birthday celebrations, so any thoughts on this subject would be very helpful!
On another note, today is William's birthday... #28!!! In addition, my cousin Anna Kathryn is turning 21 tomorrow! I can't believe it. I was reflecting last night on my 21st birthday and how long ago it seems. I got engaged about a month after I turned 21 and life since has been a wonderful, dizzying, thrilling, bittersweet, miraculous blur. The seven years between 21 and 28 have been interesting to say the least, and I am sure there is a lot more to come. :-)

P.S. The photo is of me and Wills on our wedding day. I just thought it would be fun to share... man was I skinny!

Hills Mom Blog

2010-10-01T08:57:00.005-04:00

For you girls out there who loved watching the Hills, I have got an awesome blog for you to check out! Heidi Montag's mom is now writing a blog about her life in Colorado and her struggles as a mother and wife. What is really cool is that she is really honest about herself and motherhood with all of it's trials and tribulations.
Metamorphisis of a Mother It's a really good read!

This Time Last Year...

2010-09-24T00:13:00.011-04:00

Me and Henry Oct. 2009

Well, Fall is upon us... though, in Texas it still FEELS like Summer. However, the Fall decorations have begun to adorn every store window and isle, and the dog days of Summer begin to wane and shorten. I am left with a complicated feeling... a feeling of excitement and regret. Where has the last year gone? Just the other day I was reflecting on the onset of Fall and I remembered what I was doing this time last year.
In August, I found out I was having another boy. I was elated at the thought of Liam having a little brother... I JUST KNEW it was a boy! Then, 24 hours later I am sitting in my doctor's office with William, and the joy was just sucked right out of me. The fear of the unknown set in. I am so grateful we had that ultrasound when we did or else William wouldn't have been there with me that day.
September 2009 William is set to deploy at the end of the month and we have a job to do before he leaves. I reluctantly put the baby clothes away in the back of my closet and go with William to the funeral home to make 'arrangements'. It felt so surreal to be sitting there with my baby moving inside of me and planning his funeral at the same time. If there is a hell on earth, I was there that day.
This time last year, William was deploying for the fourth time to the Middle East, I was pregnant with a baby who had a slim chance for survival and two children under the age of four who needed me every minute of every day. I look back and wonder "How did I make it?"
I'll tell you how I made it. Jesus.
With everything that was piled high on my plate, God's grace covered it. With every hurdle, God lifted me over it. When I thought I couldn't get up in the morning, God willed me out of bed and helped me put one foot in front of the other and He is doing it still.
This time last year, I was in a valley... and sometimes it feels as though I am still there. But God was with me. He provided.
The night William returned was the very night I went into labor. GOD IS GOOD. I was reminded of that on November 8, 2009 when I held my long anticipated son for the first
time, and I remember it now.
I was thinking about valleys the other day, and was thinking about my valley, and I was reminded of this verse:
"1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever." Psalm 23

Henry's Burial Gown

Project Renovation

2010-09-08T16:18:00.004-04:00

Some of you have been curious about our new home and the things we are hoping to do to it. While it is overall a really great old house with some charm and character, it needs just an extra ounce of style and flair to put it over the top. One of the ways I am hoping to do this is through paint, window treatments, art work, landscaping, etc. One of our biggest projects gets underway tomorrow... the new kitchen counter! I was spoiled in Warner Robins to have a beautiful dark green granite countertop; but no such luck in this house! The two previous owners did some great upgrades, but they saved money by using a Formica counter. This just wouldn't do for someone who cooks as much as I do (and who is as messy as I am!) The last eight weeks I have looked at and researched so many different options, starting with marble. Oh how I love marble! But, it is NOT practical for a family of little children and one messy cook. So, after much debate, and ALOT of samples, I chose this...

This is Witch Hazel by Corian and I am so excited! It think it will have the look of Marble, but the practicality I need. Kenny, the countertop man, will be out tomorrow to make a template and in several weeks it will be installed. I am super thrilled to have some projects right now as a distraction from the things mentioned in last week's post. Thank you all for your kind words and prayers. I thank God for the friends and family He has put in my life who hold me up when I am too weak to stand!

Confession

2010-08-31T19:05:00.005-04:00

The last few weeks have been hard. Not only has getting used to a new place been a challenge, but it also has been difficult to deal with certain feelings without the comfort and reassurance of friends. I have tried from the very beginning (of my journey with Henry) to use this blog as a confessional of sorts. Well, here goes...

While a definite heeling has taken place in my heart over the last few months, a new scar has surfaced. Without mincing words, I am on progesterone for an irregular cycle (something that had not been normal since last November). This past month was hard, getting adjusted to a new place and a new medication, without yet having a physician in place to call on. It is really hard to not know what your body is doing!

To make matters worse, I have baby fever like you wouldn't believe. I find myself daydreaming constantly! Everywhere I turn, I am surrounded by precious babies. Even Maisie keeps patting my stomach and begging me to become pregnant. I reassure her that it is what I want too, but it is up to God to decide and for her to pray about it. Needless to say, I choke back the tears at her sweet words. The longing in my heart is almost unbearable.

On top of it all, we have yet to see a geneticist. This is something we meant to do a long time ago, but had to put it off because of deployments, moving, etc. I want to be pregnant so badly, but not knowing whether I can or should is a nagging heartache that will not leave me. In short, it makes me very discouraged.

I would greatly appreciate your prayers concerning these fears and grievances. Pray that I will trust in God's perfect timing and sovereignty. Pray that I will trust Him in all things.

"9 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble.
10 Those who know your name will trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you." Psalm 9:9-10

Nine months ago...

2010-08-09T14:06:00.003-04:00

Dear Henry,

Nine months ago, you quietly entered the world, and six minutes later, you silently left. But little man, it is like you never went away. Every day I see your face in your big brother Liam, or your wildness in your big sister Maisie. Everyday, we miss you and want to hold you. Everyday, we long to be with you again. The one thing that comforts us in your absence is knowing we will one day hold you again.

Nine months ago, your O'daddy took this photo with you... and I think he misses your face as much as I do. He studied it with such love and care... you meant so much to him, and to all of us.

Nine months ago, I fell in-love and I haven't forgotten. You were tiny, little boy, but you were larger than life.

Miss you,
Mommy

Moving

2010-07-14T09:40:00.002-04:00

You may have noticed my absence... maybe not! We are in the throws of packing up the house for the big move next week. That being said, this is probably my last post before I move! Please be praying for all of us the next week as many changes are in store. Also, for those of you who knew I was going to the OBGYN last week, I got my test results back and they did show low progesterone and hypothyroidism. I will be going on some meds to hopefully correct the issue. This was actually encouraging news because it may explain why I have had preterm labor in my last two pregnancies. Knowing this now is very helpful in going forward with family planning. Thank you all for your prayers and support!

William on TV!!!

2010-06-25T08:12:00.002-04:00

William is in charge of a bike race at the base this weekend and was asked to be on the local news to talk about it. I thought you all might think it as entertaining as the kids and I did!

The Next Step

2010-06-23T10:08:00.003-04:00

The above picture is the main reason I haven't posted anything in awhile. This is the house we eventually decided on while in Texas last week. William and I looked at about 25 houses in two days! Boy, were we exhausted... but, we feel good about the decision. Pending the house passing inspection, this should be our home for the next four years!
One very important lesson I learned this week is that I put more stock in my worldly goods than I thought. I am usually a positive/easy going girl, but the past year did a number on me. I now find myself holding on to the things that don't ultimately matter in the grand scheme. Things like my home, my favorite stores, or even my favorite places to eat. While in Wichita Falls I found myself sulking over the silliest things... I have gotten comfortable here, and I don't want to leave! However, on Sunday morning when visiting a church, the sermon was aptly on Abraham and Sarah and how God shows us through them what it is to trust Him completely. Talk about conviction! I was honestly calmer and more accepting of this new place the rest of the trip. I can now say that I am excited about this new chapter, whatever it may hold.
Isn't it funny the things we worry about? Jesus was addressing me specifically in this verse:
“Then Jesus said to his disciples: ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?’” (Luke 12:22-26, NIV)
I must always be reminded of how God is sovereign over all things, and that no matter where we move or how far away we are from family, friends, church members, etc. that God is always there with us, just as he was with Abraham after he left his homeland for Caanan. God promises to take care of our every need if we just ask it of Him, and He does give peace to those who trust in Him.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

Sharing Grief

2010-06-07T15:46:00.002-04:00

I haven't posted much of my feelings on here lately because I frankly wasn't sure I wanted to tell everything that has been on my heart lately... but, I want to be as real as real can be, and just say, last week was really hard. I thought I was doing better, I thought I was moving forward, and then BAM, it all washes over me again. Grief, I am finding, is a sneaky emotion that returns just when you think you have seen the last of it. Last week I was really depressed, and all of my emotions were right at the surface. I haven't wanted to talk to anyone about it and let them know how I really felt, because I should be fine, right? Wrong. Friday, I had a breakthrough. A wonderful lady at our church (who has experienced her own fare share of grief) began a small group Grief Share ministry just for our church. I was hesitant to go because this might mean that I would actually have to confront my feelings! But, the Holy Spirit led me there and as soon as that door closed and I was in a safe circle of fellow grievers, those tears came free flowing. We each shared why we were there and where we are now in our grief. It turns out that I am in the throws of it... and it is going to take more time than 6 months to heal. No one puts more pressure on themselves than I do to suck it up and get on with life, but grief doesn't work this way; it doesn't play by my rules. I have already learned a lot in that one session, and each week we will meet again to learn how to cope with it. I will be sharing throughout this process and I will try to keep it as real as possible. I thought I was beyond going to a support group and asking for help, but it turns out, I needed it more than I knew.

Matthew 7:7-8 (New King James Version)

7 "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.

New Favorite Song

2010-06-03T09:12:00.000-04:00

Yesterday Maisie and I heard this song on the radio and we both started crying because we both thought of Henry. Maisie is so tender hearted about Henry, she really misses her little brother. I have been broken hearted of late too. Hearing this song was helpful, and I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did. Thank you Jesus for dying on the cross so that we might one day be with you and Henry in paradise!

Tiny Dancer

2010-05-30T19:59:00.003-04:00

Maisie had her recital today! She was the best, cutest, sweetest little ladybug ever! She did really well, considering how much she hates the spotlight ;-) (yea, right) Anyway, just wanted to share this photo and my proud mommy moment!

Big Changes

2010-05-28T09:46:00.002-04:00

I just wanted to share what has been keeping me from blogging lately... we are getting ready to move to the great state (ahem) Republic of Texas! Yes, it is true, we will be saying goodbye to Georgia and heading west this August. Needless to say, I am feeling overwhelmed and a little sad. We have a beautiful home, great friends, a great church family, and I can't help but think I am leaving a little part of my life here with Henry as well. We passed the hospital yesterday and Maisie blurted out: "That's Henry's hospital, Mommy!" Normally, I am not at all sentimental about little things like that, but I am now. Yes, I will miss that hospital... I gave birth to two precious boys there! On the other hand, the move to Texas offers a fresh start for us, a break away from our lives here over the last year and the heartache we have suffered. I have always been a glass half full kind of girl!
The move to Texas has also gotten me thinking more about having another baby. Though the wounds of losing Henry are still very sore, they are healing, and I do believe having another baby would be a blessing to all of us! Some people may still say it is too soon, but I find myself wishing I would wake up one morning and miraculously find myself pregnant again! That's pretty much what it would take because William is not yet onboard with the idea. We are prayerfully considering our options because of our chances of having another difficult pregnancy and we would be so far from our families in Texas. Please pray for us on this one... it is so hard to know where to go from here!
The truth is, the White family needs a lot of prayer the next few months!!! So, please pray for us when you think about it, we would really appreciate it.

I'm Back!

2010-05-21T08:12:00.004-04:00

Hey Everyone! Sorry to have been absent for so long! We just got back from Disney World on Monday and have been settling in as a family ever since. William was able to be home in time to meet us at Disney after our first day, thank you Lord! It would have been so awful to be there the whole time without him. Anyway, we had a blast, but I didn't take a single picture! My cousin was the official photographer for the trip and she got some really great shots! Please see her blog A Little Bit of This in my side bar to see the pictures she has taken. So, on another note, in very typically William and Katie fashion, we decided to add one more thing to our plate this week and go car shopping. I come from a family of car lovers (ahem... Grandaddy) so this is something I love to do! However, the car I wanted the absolute most was just WAY too expensive for a young couple like us to have right now. Maybe in about ten years or so I could get this car, but for right now, it would be too much. We looked at and drove a half a dozen 'favorite' cars over a two day period and ultimately found a deal we could not refuse! So, today we become the proud parents (I mean owners) of a Ford Explorer! I am so happy with this car and I think it was the wise choice to make. I love when I have such a peace about something like this, I don't know that I would have had this feeling with the other cars we were looking at. Isn't it funny how such a 'fun' experience can be so stressful when you start talking money? That is the part I can stay out of next time! Anyway, that is my life in a nutshell lately... I will delve into deeper things another day!

Major Bummer

2010-05-02T23:02:00.002-04:00

Today was a bit of a bummer. William, who was scheduled to return on Wednesday, has now been delayed until May 10 (the day we are supposed to go to Disney). This might not seem like a huge deal to some people, but it was a major bummer for me. When you get into the mindset that your husband/helper is coming home in just three more days, you start to think "I can do this" just a few more days!!! Then, when the plan changes and you are told it will be five more days than you were thinking, it feels like an ETERNITY! May 10th seems so far away right now! I am tired, grumpy, and totally over being a single parent to two toddlers. This afternoon, in the heat of frustration, I told my mom: "I quit. I'm done. I'm on strike. I am moving to the beach and living in a beach house!" Which, of course, I would literally get down the driveway and begin to feel immeasurable guilt and sadness at the mere thought of leaving my two precious babies... even if the beach does sound like heaven right now! So, if you would, please pray for me to make it a few more days without my hubby. Pray for my attitude, and that I would continue to serve my husband and my children with a spirit that is pleasing to the Lord. Thanks...

New Header

2010-04-30T09:52:00.002-04:00

For several months I have used Henry's feet as my blog header. I love those precious feet... but, I feel the need to change things up today. This is a picture of William holding his hand in those precious minutes following his birth. I love it... enjoy!

A Low Moment

2010-04-26T00:05:00.002-04:00

I'm not going to lie, tonight I am having a low moment. All of the sudden it just hits me: I miss my baby. These moments are not as often as they used to be, but they still happen. Tonight I am longing to hold him and kiss him goodnight. There are times that I actually experience physical pain in my arms or around my heart... tonight is one of those nights. I watched his slideshow again, as I often do, and I am reminded of how precious he was. I just want to kiss that little face. Today in the car, Maisie asked (as she often does) "When will we see Henry again?" I answered my usual "When we go to heaven, or when Jesus returns and raises us to new life." She paused. "Will Henry's heart be better?" Me choking back the tears. "Yes, Jesus will fix his heart."

There is a verse that is running through my head right now, something I have to repeat to myself every day. I'd like to share it:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

It's times like these when I have to believe this the most.

All Things New

2010-04-22T08:01:00.012-04:00

After a long, cold, bitter (and I mean that in every sense of the word) somber Winter, I am so glad to see and feel Spring. The air is warm and pleasant, and the odors are sweet and filled with promise. I love the metaphor that Spring gives us of our lives in Christ. Where there was once death, there is now Life. Where there was once despair, there is now Hope. Where there was once darkness, there is now Light. I think I love Spring more than ever before. And in my need to erase the hold that death has had on me, I have decided to bring forth new life... in my garden! With some help from my local nursery, I have managed to revive my azaleas. Who knew all they needed was some plant food and some water to be beautiful?
Here are the once almost dead azaleas:

Blooms:

Here are some Oriental lillies I planted in the front of the house and a lemon daddy Hydrangea that has yet to bloom, but has beautiful yellow leaves:

And last but not least, here are the strawberries we planted last year that have refused to die. They came back this year as hearty as ever and in about a week, we will be eating fresh strawberries! I also planted fresh herbs, and bell peppers. I have yet to plant the heirloom tomatoes... today is the day!

It is true that Jesus makes all things new. Even things that are broken, battered, and bruised. My plants are teaching me that nothing is lost forever.

Cousins, travel, shopping, and decorating

2010-04-20T20:18:00.009-04:00

This week is a blur... but in a good way. On Friday we left for Jacksonville to visit my cousin and go to a little children's warehouse sale that I like to refer to simply as 'my dealer'. Seriously, shopping for boutique kids clothes is my drug and a bargain is a serious high. For photos of our loot, please refer to Megan's blog A Little Bit of This (found in my side bar), she will be posting some later. In addition, the little cousins got some one on one time. Here are some pics:

Next stop... Savannah for some time with the grandparents. We had a great time in Forsyth Park on Monday!

I like to call this one my Princess Diana 'Taj Mahal' picture... yes, this was on purpose. Maisie kept saying "mommy what are you doing?" I kept answering "Taking my Princess Diana picture!" She just looked at me like the crazy person I am.

And finally... my new dining room end chairs were waiting for me when I got home! I chose the coordinating toile-like fabric and had a company called Carrington Court in Hickory, NC make them. They are heavy and beautifully crafted. They also were less expensive than they look. Give them a whirl!

This lamp was a great price and just needed a new shade. Love it!!!

This is my week in a nutshell. Had alot of fun... just what the doctor ordered! :-)

5 Months Today

2010-04-08T08:28:00.006-04:00

I just realized that today is Henry's five month birthday. If Henry were with us this morning I would be feeding him rice cereal and a bottle. He would probably be rocking in a swing while I frantically get Maisie ready for school. I would be strapping him in a car seat and toting him around town with me... and today is Gymbucks redemption at Gymboree so he and Liam would be forced to go there and watch me buy cute clothes for them. Liam has to do this awful task alone today! I am not going to deny that there are still times when I am a little angry with God over the fact that Henry isn't here to do these things. Liam especially could benefit from a little brother right now... but that is another story for another day. I am missing my little man today, and I just wanted to share. Thanks for listening.

Post Script:
Thanks to everyone for their sweet thoughts today and every day. Thanks to my Mom who carries me when I can't pick myself up. Here are some words I was thinking of today. I listened to this song over and over when I found out about Henry's condition. They are a balm and a comfort still:

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!

And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall...so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!

Easter

2010-04-04T23:23:00.003-04:00

I wanted to share with everyone a little bit of our Easter. To begin with, it was absolutely gorgeous weather... everything an Easter Sunday should be. Sunny, warm, and without a cloud in the sky. Sunrises like today really paint a picture of what the day of Christ's resurrection really must have been like: absolutely glorious. Today was a special day for our church as it was the first Sunday we were able to worship in our new sanctuary. This was truly a blessed event for all of us who have worked toward and longed for the day that we would have a place to call our church HOME. The sermon was of course on the resurrection of Christ and what that means for those of us who put our faith in it. And as our pastor preached on this I could not help but gaze at the beautiful new wooden cross behind the pulpit and dwell on what the cross has meant to me personally; especially the last few months. Last week I received a letter from our pastor (Paul) thanking us for the recent donation we made to the new building in Henry's honor. These are a few of his words which have meant so much to me: "Henry was a member of our church family but is now in the presence of Christ. He left the church militant to join the church triumphant. We would like to dedicate the cross in our new sanctuary in Henry David's memory... The cross will serve as a reminder to us and to future generations that we are to be a Christ centered church." Today, as I listened to the sermon and I looked at the beautiful cross, I was more comforted than I have ever been; because I was reminded that the cross represents Salvation, and the empty tomb represents Eternity. The message of the Gospel is not that Christ died, but it is that He was raised. His resurrection represents what we will all experience in the end, and what Henry is now experiencing. Christ has risen, and this is what continues to give me reason to hope.

Here are a few glimpses into our Easter:

For Meg

2010-03-31T11:02:00.006-04:00

I have been promising my cousin a few pictures of some of our new furnishings (thanks to William's grandfather). I bought the dining room table before Christmas and bought the side chairs in Savannah at a great antique store. I recently had them recovered in gold damask fabric.

Our foyer got a face lift with a Louis XVI table and a mirror I painted gold.

Here is the lamp I want to buy for the table at Neiman Marcus

And here is the chair and ottoman I had recovered

I will post pictures of my bedroom soon! Love ya, girl!!!

Spring Day

2010-03-30T19:35:00.002-04:00

Here are some pictures I took today of us outside enjoying the spring air! The one of me is for you Wills, love you and miss you!

Mae's Baby Shower

2010-03-29T09:24:00.008-04:00

This past Saturday I had the honor of throwing a baby shower for a new addition to our church: baby Mae Anders.

I had alot of fun prepping for the shower and I even got a little crafty thanks to some Martha Stewart favor boxes.

The food was of course: "sugar and spice and everything nice" because that is what little girls are made of!

She got lots of gifts!!!

The guest of honor with her grandmother and her mommy Danielle.

Holding Babies Part 2

2010-03-15T20:50:00.003-04:00

I forgot to share that on Friday I also got to see my friend Nicole's twin boys Jayce and Joshua (hope I spelled Jayce or Jace right). They were born in early February at around 36 weeks, and Jayce was especially tiny! I loaned Nicole a few preemie things that I had for Henry and she said that they fit... that is how much smaller he was than his brother. Anyway, I held Jayce the whole time we were there and he is so precious. They are both such little men and they are so cute! Anyway, Nicole said something that really made my day. She said that Joshua reminded her of Henry. She said that when Joshua came out that she thought he favored Henry in his coloring and his features. When I looked at him, I could see a little bit of resemblance! I think all babies favor each other a little, but this was definitely comforting. When I left I told her that I would have to hold Joshua next time so we could 'bond'. Friday was a good day.

Birthdays and Baby Showers

2010-03-15T10:47:00.007-04:00

Last week was packed with fun activities. Maisie and Liam attended Sydney's 7th birthday party at Jumpin' Jax and Maisie and Mommy got to attend a baby shower for Elizabeth Smith and her baby girl Lucy (due in May). I promised William some pictures, so here are a few from these events.

Maisie "helping" Elizabeth open her gifts

Holding a Baby

2010-03-09T19:29:00.003-05:00

Today I got to hold a precious new baby. Her name is Mae Anders and she was born two weeks ago. I have been dying to get my hands on her since she was born, but due to illness in our family, I had to wait. My arms have been aching of late to hold a baby... namely, my baby. This I know is a natural feeling and one that has been hard to ignore. So today, I got my chance, and it was heaven on earth. She is so soft and warm and so little! She is absolutely precious. Her mother Danielle and I were pregnant together and she was with me in the hospital the day Henry was born. I think Henry is as much in the back of her mind when she holds Mae as he is in mine. She has been an amazing friend and I am grateful for her. However, holding little Mae today got me thinking about our little man and how we still have to yet to pick out a headstone for him. I am feeling more than a little guilty. But, as another T-13 mommy put it on her blog, it is the last thing we have to do for him... in a way it is our last connection. How do you put on a headstone how much this little person meant to you and how he changed your life in every way? There just aren't the words for it. I am mulling over a few ideas and hopefully we will get it done soon.
There are so many things that I used to take for granted that I don't anymore. One of those is simply holding a baby. When you are a new mother and exhaustion has taken over it is hard to relish those moments, but I know now that they are all too fleeting.

"Man is like a breath; his days are like a fleeting shadow." Psalm 144:4

It's amazing to me how the sweetest things in life are usually the simplest. Things like holding a friend's new baby now bring a whole new level of joy (and I admit a little sorrow). I have to trust that God knows what He is doing with me, even when I am faced with immeasurable grief. I'll leave you with this:

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1:6-9

Music

2010-02-25T12:45:00.003-05:00

If you are a frequent visitor to my blog, then you probably have noticed that I often change the music to accompany my posts. People in my family know how much I love music... I come by it honestly (love you Dad!) I like to say that I have a soundtrack to my life, and the tracks change with the ebbs and flows. Sometimes I feel fun and silly (thus the ode to Hanson every now and then) sometimes I am sad and need a good sad song to make me cry. Lately, I have been very reflective. My experience with Henry has caused me to dwell on things above and beyond what we are currently experiencing on earth. I think when you loose someone you love so much they are always in the back of your mind. I am always thinking about Henry (or Bubba to Liam) and what he is doing in Heaven. When he was still with us before he was born I would play music for him and sing to him, even though I wasn't sure how much he could hear because of his disease. I wanted him to experience music the way the rest of our family does. Now, he is with the Author of music, and I am sure he is able to hear every lovely note.
This week I am going back to some of my favorites, and one of those is Caedmon's Call. I listen to them alot when William is gone. The chorus from "Love Alone" just really resonates with me:

Give me your hand to hold
'Cause I can't stand to love alone
And love alone is not enough to hold us up
We've got to touch your robe
So swing your robe down low
Swing your robe down low

To me this is such a visual picture of how Christ reaches down low and lifts us up to where He is. Wow, I just really needed that today.

So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Goodbye!

2010-02-23T21:06:00.004-05:00

Today was the dreaded day. We knew it was coming, but we are never prepared for it! Today we dropped William off at the base for destinations unknown (not really, I just can't say on my blog). Maisie and Liam handled it really well, but I cried as always. It's never easy to be without your spouse for any length of time; especially when he is going off to fight the bad guys. It is also hard to be a single mother for months on end without the support of a husband and father around. Let me just say that God created fathers for a very special purpose... kids just listen to them WAY more than they listen to us. Why am I not that terrifying? I can make that mad face too! I guess it just doesn't have the same effect, does it? I remember the urge to laugh at my mom when she'd say in her fiercest voice "I mean it!" But if Dad said it, you just wanted to run for cover. Should you be brave enough to even crack a smile, you would live to regret it. It's true that when you become a mother yourself you finally get 'it'. So, here I go, another deployment. I took some photos of William with the kids before he left. Here they are:

Liam with a lip he busted on the way into the 'theater' for the briefing. The commander called him the little spy.

Maisie with her Daddy.

Quarantine!!!

2010-02-17T14:03:00.003-05:00

Well, we thought we had made it through cold and flu season completely unscathed...not so fast. In addition to Pneumonia, Liam has also been diagnosed with Mono. We saw the doctor again this morning and they decided to do a few more tests because Liam still had a fever. Turns out, he also has Mono. On the upside, his white blood cell count is back into the normal range which means he is responding to the antibiotics. Maisie has had cold like symptoms and a fever, so they want to see them both again on Friday and check her also. I feel like I need a big red X on my door with a sign reading "Quarantine, Keep Out" Seriously, I am stuck in the house with two whiny, grouchy kids who don't want to do anything but watch the Ice Age movies over and over and over. I think they should give the parents tranquilizers or some Prozac or something! :-) All joking aside, please continue to pray for their healing and my sanity!

Update

2010-02-15T16:19:00.002-05:00

UPDATE: It looks as though William is fine and has no serious health problems. All of his tests and scans came back normal... thank you Lord! On another note, Maisie and Liam are now sick and Liam is being treated for the early stages of Pneumonia. He is really sick and we are hoping that the meds work and he won't have to be hospitalized. Please pray for all of us as we prepare for William's departure at the end of the month. I am really hoping everything clears up by then and we are all well while he is gone.

Valentine's Day Nostalgia

2010-02-12T16:06:00.004-05:00

The snow is coming down outside and as I was watching it I got to thinking... this week seven years ago I met my husband. William and I met at an RUF Winter retreat in Forsyth, Georgia when we were both sophomores in college. Almost anyone close to me at the time knew that I had been hung up on someone else for a long time, so when I met William, it really rocked my world. I think you could say it was love at first sight for both of us. We had so many of the same long term goals and he was the first guy I had met in a long time who seemed to really have a plan for his life. I was up most of the last night there in prayer about him. Little did I know at the time that William had also been in prayer the entire weekend over whether or not to pursue a relationship with me. Just before I left he asked for my e-mail address. A week later I got an e-Valentine from him and he got an invitation to come down to Florida and spend spring break with me and my family. We went on our first date and the rest is well... history. One year later we were married. Two years later we had Maisie. Four years later we had Liam. We have moved four times together and have bought three dogs: Ike, our yellow lab, who we lost in a car accident as a puppy. Mack, our chocolate lab who we bought just before I found out I was pregnant with Maisie; and Hank, our new basset hound addition. Hank is of course named for Henry, our sweet little man. We will be married six years in May and what a ride it has been. I wonder what the next six will hold? William and I have always been on the fast track... so who really knows? :-) I have included some fun Valentine's Day music to lighten the mood of my blog a little and a picture of Hank, our new addition.

Prayers for William

2010-02-12T11:39:00.004-05:00

William is having some tests done this week to check out his liver and some other things. He is jaundiced and has had some yellowing in his eyes. This has happened once before after Maisie was born, but nothing was found. I believe this is something that is induced by stress, but we will see what the tests say. Please pray that there is nothing seriously wrong with him... he could possibly be disqualified from flying if it is something more serious; not to mention I can't live without him! :-) After everything that has happened this year, I really hope God will spare us further complications. However, I know that He will give us strength no matter what happens. Your prayers are much appreciated.

Just Cruising

2010-02-08T19:22:00.003-05:00

It has been over a week since my last post and for a very good reason: my wonderful husband William took me on a seven night cruise to the Virgin Islands! The timing was perfect as we had just passed Henry's due date on January 28th. Shortly after losing Henry in November William surprised me by booking a week long cruise. This was just what the doctor ordered. My mom and William's mom kept the kids and off we went to Florida to catch the boat. For the first time in a long time I felt like the old me again. William and I had all the time in the world to sleep, eat, play, and relax. We even met another younger couple on the cruise to hang out with and share a few laughs. We laughed and didn't feel guilty, and it was probably the first time that I didn't cry for a few days. Cruising the Caribbean and marveling at its beauty was also a reminder of God's goodness. At one point when we were sitting on a beach in St. Thomas and the water was as clear as glass and the sky blue as far as the eye could see, I asked William: "If God can allow a fallen world to be this beautiful, what must heaven be like?" And of course I thought of Henry and the paradise he is now experiencing. I can only imagine that his answer would have been "Mom, I can't wait for you to see this."
We returned on Sunday to a cold and gray day here in Georgia, and I won't deny that we are experiencing some cruising withdrawals. Still, on days in the future when we are tempted to despair or doubt God's goodness, we will think back to that day on the beach and remember the beauty and the peace.

Dear Henry

2010-01-29T09:49:00.003-05:00

Dearest Little Henry,
Yesterday was the day you were due to be born. My how nine months can seem to go by so fast and yet so slow. How well I remember the day I found out I was to be your mommy; a beautiful warm April day. We had family pictures taken that day and our joy was evidenced in our smiling faces. I will always remember that happy day. This year was sprinkled with happy days: The day I first heard your heartbeat, what a welcoming sound! The day I first felt you kick, what a strong kick you had for someone so small! The day I found out you were a boy, just what I was hoping for! There are also days I wish I could erase, like the day your doctor told me you may not live to be born... I had never felt my heart break until that day. But you proved so much stronger than any of us ever expected and everyday you continued not only to live within me, but you thrived! And everyday I was grateful for the moments when you would move more and more. God was truly with you in there! Growing you bigger and better all the time!
The best day of my life was the day you were born, and my saddest moment was the one when you breathed your last. I am so thankful that you will never know the pain of loosing someone you love more than your own life, because it is the worst pain on earth.
The angels were watching over all of us that night and I know they were with you when you took your last breath. I know you are now in the presence of your Creator and I know He loves you so very much.
Dear little Henry, I want you to know you are always in the back of my mind. I am always missing you and I wish you were here with us this morning. But I have a great hope in knowing you are with our most gracious heavenly Father who loves all of us so much. It is true that all things work for the good of those who love Him and obey Him.
Henry, your little life has meant so much to so many people, and it has reminded all of us of the great love and sacrifice of Jesus our Savior. I know you now have great understanding, and I just want you to know that Mommy does too. I love you,
Mommy

Donations

2010-01-20T14:18:00.003-05:00

So many people have donated to organizations and charities in Henry's honor and I am so touched. Organizations like the March of Dimes, Covenant Care Adoption, and the Palmer Home for Children have received generous donations in honor of little feet who have left an even bigger footprint than I ever could have imagined. Thank you all! For those who are still wanting to donate in Henry's honor, please consider Henry's grandfather (O'daddy) who is starting a new church plant in Pace, FL. Go to www.circlepca.org to learn more about this new ministry on the Gulf Coast. I wish Henry could have known what a great minister of the Gospel his O'daddy is... but I'm sure the angels are cluing him in just a little. :-) Thanks again to all for your generous gifts!

Henry's Feet

2010-01-11T11:31:00.003-05:00

For Christmas I had an artist paint a watercolor portrait of Henry's feet for William as a present. Last night the artist sent me the proof and I just think it is beautiful. I wanted to share it with everyone. I can't wait to see it in person and hang it in my room! I have been blessed with so many ways to remember him and honor his memory, but this by far is my favorite.

On the Dawn of A New Decade

2009-12-31T08:01:00.004-05:00

Today is the last day of 2009 and what a year it has been. I was thinking back on all of the events of 2009 and realizing how much has taken place in the world and in our family. While there was much joy in this past year, there was also much sorrow. The world is groaning... Now more than ever I realize our great need for our Savior to return. Every year I wonder, will this be THE year? And 2010 is no different for me. So many people I know are in the midst of trial or suffering; whether it be physical or financial, so many of God's people are waiting on His will with baited breath.

Right before Christmas William and I watched The Nativity Story and I was reminded that the days right before Jesus' birth were so much like our own, and it made me wonder: Could the days of His return be near at hand? I certainly hope so.

Losing a child this year put a lot of things into perspective and my focus has greatly changed. God has fixed my eyes upon Him and He has given me a longing for HOME. However, I know that in the meantime He has given me the greatest of tasks; to raise my children to love and honor Him with their whole hearts. Let me just say, this is no easy task! Everyday I am reminded of the amount of grace God has shown to me when I am dealing with a three year olds temper tantrums! I realize I am no different than a three year old in my relationship with Christ, and I am humbled.

So, on the dawn of a new year and a new decade I am hopeful that Jesus will return in glory and finish the work He began on the cross. I am confident in His sovereignty and I find rest in His grace. Only God knows the date or the hour, but I long more than ever for this date to be Two thousand and ten.

"Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53: 4-5

"Behold, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End." Revelation 22:12-13

Happy Birthday Liam!

2009-12-14T14:20:00.003-05:00

Two years ago today I gave birth to the sweetest little man on the planet. This year I am especially grateful for Liam and the joy he has brought to our lives. Happy 2nd Birthday my precious boy! Mommy and Daddy love you more than you'll ever know.

Our Year in Pictures

2009-12-12T23:48:00.002-05:00

I figure since I haven't gotten around to making and mailing out Christmas cards, why not make a montage of our life in the past year to share with everyone? I was going through all of the photos taken in the last twelve months and was realizing what a unique journey this last year has been. So much has happened in our family. Liam turned one, Maisie turned 3, William deployed twice, I got pregnant with Henry, we found out Henry had Trisomy 13, and the rest of the year has been consumed with preparing ourselves to give up the idea of raising our precious son. Now on the cusp of another milestone (Liam turns 2 on Monday), I find myself looking back on a year that none of us expected, but one that none of us would trade. Even though this undoubtably has been a year of hardship, sadness, and plenty of stress, it has still been a year blessed with immeasurable love. We have truly been given a gift this year, God has shown us what it really means to love. Merry Christmas and God Bless!

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands." - Deuteronomy 7:9

"This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." – 1 John 4:9-11

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

A Labor of Love

2009-12-05T18:26:00.007-05:00

All of this talk about babies lately (especially Henry) and the holiday season has gotten me thinking about Mary the mother of Jesus. A song I just downloaded called "Labor of Love" beautifully describes the events of the night of Jesus' birth and what Mary must have been going through giving birth to the Son of God. As Mary looked upon her new baby what must have been going through her mind? Did she realize that her Son would die to save her? Did she know then that her beautiful baby would one day save all of God's people by dying a painful death on a cross? Did she know He would be raised again and prepare a permanent home for her in heaven? I don't think her motherly mind would even want to dwell on those things, but she knew He was special. For the first time in my life I feel like I can relate to Mary in a small way. God showed favor to Mary by allowing her to be Jesus' earthly mother, and He has shown me great favor by allowing me to carry Henry and be his mother for a short time. Mary's pregnancy and labor with Jesus was extraordinary and she considered herself tremendously blessed, as do I.†

Mary's Song

46And Mary said:
"My soul glorifies the Lord
47and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
48for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
49for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
50His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
51He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
52He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
53He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
54He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
55to Abraham and his descendants forever,
even as he said to our fathers." (Luke 46-55)

Remnants of Henry

2009-12-01T22:52:00.005-05:00

I have now begun the phase of my journey where I find myself clinging to even the tiniest remnants of Henry. This ornament from our Christmas tree is something I purchased for him only a few weeks ago when I knew we were going to be letting go very soon. Last night after I took a long hot shower (something Henry and I both enjoyed while I was pregnant), I went to my closet to put my slippers away and saw Henry's receiving blanket on my floor. Feeling the sudden and strong urge to hold him once again I snatched up that soft blanket and buried my nose in it, hoping for just one sweet reminder of Henry's baby scent. I loved on that blanket for a few moments and remembered the scene from Hope Floats when Sandra Bullock goes into her deceased mother's closet and wraps herself in her mother's clothes. That scene always made me cry because I could see myself doing the same thing... just hoping for a brief whiff of that familiar scent. Holding that blanket took me back to that night when I slept with Henry in my arms and it felt so comforting and so... right. I long for the day when I can breathe Henry in again, a day that we will both be renewed and perfect in God's sight. However, if there is any remnant of Henry's former self, I hope it is a little bit of that cleft lip... it was a perfect lip to me.

"Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory." (Col 3.2-4)

Pictures of Henry

2009-11-21T20:58:00.013-05:00

"Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love... sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about." Genesis 22:2

The song I chose for the slideshow is "Holy Is the Lord" by Andrew Peterson. I first heard this song on my cousin's blog and I thought it so appropriate. The song is about Abraham and Isaac and Abraham's heart-wrenching decision to trust God and offer his only son as a sacrifice. The story of Abraham and Isaac in the Old Testament is yet one of many 'types' of Christ found in the Bible, but for me it has always been the most powerful, and it especially rings true now. Whenever I am tempted to believe that God is distant and cannot identify with my pain, I am reminded that He gave up His only Son as a sacrifice for me and each one of us. Ultimately, God did not require Abraham to sacrifice Isaac because He had already prepared the Lamb. I must always remember that God knows not only how I feel, but that He loves Henry and all of my children infinitely more than I ever could, and He loves me too.

-A Special Thank You to Alicia McDonald Photography. Alicia, you have given me the gift of remembering my son's birthday for the rest of my life... thank you so much.

*Turn off blog music player at the bottom of my page before viewing slideshow*

Getting Ready to Say Goodbye

2009-11-21T08:31:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow we will be making our journey to Louisiana for Henry's funeral. I won't be posting anything until I get back, but I will have photos from our photographer to share. Please pray for a safe trip and the beginning of a season of healing for our family.

One Week Ago...

2009-11-15T16:10:00.003-05:00

Dear Friends and Family,
It is hard to believe that one week ago I was on my way to the hospital at 4 AM. I woke up at 2 o'clock Sunday morning with a pain in my back. I quickly realized it was a contraction. I looked at the clock and laid my head back down on my pillow... five minutes later, same thing. I gave it fifteen minutes and quickly realized that this might be 'it'. William was 'dead to the world' having just come in Saturday night after a 24 hr flight home. He had taken a sleeping pill to help him get one good last night's sleep before the baby was born. By the time we left for the hospital at around 4 AM, he was still too out of it to drive, so naturally, I drove myself. Being 'married to the military' has taught me that I can do just about anything, including driving while in the early stages of labor.
After being hooked to the monitor for a few minutes, we realized we weren't going anywhere...this was Henry's birthday! By the time my doctor came in around 8 AM I was two centimeters and 50 percent thinned out. William sobered up with some coffee and we were ready to meet our sweet Henry. If only it had been that simple...
Around 10 PM I began to feel pressure and called for my fantastic nurse Melissa. When she came in to take a look I felt a gush and she quickly called for my doctor. It turns out that the placenta had ruptured and we needed to do a c-section to stop the bleeding. After several intense moments in the OR, Henry came out. He didn't cry, he didn't make a sound, but he was alive.
William put him next to my face and I began using all my energy to talk to him, I wanted him to know I was there.
He was the most wonderful, most beautiful, most amazing thing I had ever seen.
He passed away shortly after we returned to my room, but he looked so at peace, just like he was sleeping.
My nurse allowed him to stay with me the whole night and it felt so normal to have him next to me.
The next day he had a bath and William dressed him for a visit with Maisie. She kept saying: "Poor Henry, he's so so sleepy."
An hour or so later the funeral home came to take him and our room began to feel so empty. My heart has felt that way ever since.
Tomorrow is his visitation and next week we will bury him. I just keep trying to tell myself that he is not in the funeral home all alone, but that he is in heaven learning at the feet of Jesus. He now knows an infinity more than my mind can grasp. I can't wait to be with him one day.
In the meantime, life has to go on. I am still trying to find out how live a 'normal' life now after having lived such an extraordinary experience. I guess I will just have to take it one moment at a time, one day at a time.

Obituary

2009-11-15T16:08:00.000-05:00

Baby Boy Henry David White -BONAIRE - Henry David White joined the angels on Sunday, November 8, 2009. Henry White was born in Warner Robins at 10:39 p.m. on Sunday, November 8, 2009. -His memory will forever be treasured by his loving parents, William and Katie White; sister, Maisie White; brother Liam White, all of Bonaire. -Visitation will be Monday, November 16, 2009, from 5:00 P.M. until 6:00 P.M. at McCullough Funeral Home. Funeral services will be held at a later date in Innis, Louisiana. -Go to www.mcculloughfh.com to sign the Online Registry for the family. -McCullough Funeral Home has charge of arrangements.

Back Home and Healing

2009-11-13T15:14:00.002-05:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that I was able to come home on Wednesday afternoon and have been focusing on a speedy recovery. I did have to have a C-section, I lost quite a bit of blood and did need a transfusion. Even with all of the chaos surrounding Henry's delivery, I was able to focus solely on him and his sweet little face. I will write more about his delivery later as I am able to get all of my thoughts together. In the meantime, we have decided on a visitation date: November 16, 2009 5-6PM at McCoullough Funeral Home in Warner Robins, GA. I am hoping my doctor will give me the OK to travel next week. We are hoping to bury Henry on November 24th in Louisiana. I will write more later as I get all the details and I promise to share a few photos of Henry in the future. Thanks for all of your prayers. Please pray for a speedy recovery so I can focus my energy on Henry once more. -Katie

Home with Jesus

2009-11-09T01:27:00.005-05:00

Hey Everyone,
I just got this text message from Aunt Janie a few minutes ago...

"Henry is now home with Jesus. He's the sweetest little baby. Please continue to pray for Katie."

"Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.""
Matthew 19:14

Praise God for Henry's precious little life!
Love,
Megan
For The White Family

Birthday!

2009-11-08T22:54:00.006-05:00

Henry is here, he is breathing, he is alive! Praise Jesus!!!

UPDATE: I have a little more information than I did a few minutes ago...Henry was born at 10:29 PM, he weighs 3 lbs 4 oz

Katie and Henry Part III

2009-11-08T22:33:00.002-05:00

I've just heard that Katie is going to need to have a cesarean, please, please pray that she will be able to deliver with only local anesthetics! I know that there is NOTHING more important to her right now than to be awake and enjoy her time with sweet baby Henry! Let's cover them in prayer together!
Love,
Megan
For The White Family